


ending scene

by honeywaves



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Childhood Friends, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Romance, actor beomgyu, film major soobin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26300473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeywaves/pseuds/honeywaves
Summary: Beomgyu had always loved films since he was younger.But what he loved the most were the most romantic confession scenes. The kind of scenes that leaves you breathless and smiling so widely because god, you're so happy. You can't think of anything but how beautiful the one you're in love with.As he draws in a breath, he realizes that he may never get that for himself.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 130





	ending scene

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gyusmoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyusmoon/gifts).



> to my lovely beca: you once told me that you've wanted me to write more soogyu fics and i promised you that the next time i write one, i'll dedicate it to you. so here you go! i really hope that you'll like it. ♡

Beomgyu had always loved films since he was little. 

It's been a part of him for so long already. Seeing the flicker of scenes on the television screen, falling asleep to the soothing soundtrack of the films playing out. Memorizing every line like it's a prayer that lies on his lips.

Maybe it's the way he loves how pretty the city lights are when they're reflecting on the car's window as the main character drives down the nearly empty road. Or the subtle gestures of stealing glances, the longing looks—the way one of them gently cradles the other's face and stares at them with an aching fondness that Beomgyu knows all too well.

(Why does he know that feeling so well? Like it's written across the lines of his palms, reminding him of the empty spaces between his fingers. And how much it aches to feel the warmth of someone's hand against his own.)

He feels like it's inevitable for him not to fall in love with all those dramatic confession scenes. The little moments when he would lean in too close to the television screen, eyes wide and the soft gasp that would leave his lips. The way he would hold the pillow against his chest, fingers sinking onto the cotton and god, he loved the way his heart would get ripped out of his chest and crushed beneath the heel of his foot. It's the kind of feeling he'll only get when he watches every confession scene unravel right before him before it slowly dissipates into nothingness.

Since he was a teenager, he already figured out that he would never get any of those. He wouldn't live in a huge city where he would drift through the streets, falling in love with a stranger whose name he'll only speak of when he's tipsy on alcohol. He wouldn't know the rush of feelings he'll get when he falls in love the first time—all the emotions that collide within him and that flicker of realization when he finally lets his heart quietly nestle in the hands of someone that he knows and trusts so well. 

Maybe it's the way he loved all those scenes in films that when he finally fell in love, he didn't realize it. He constantly waited around for the kind of love that took his breath away, the kind of love that made his fingers tremble in nervousness that he almost missed everything else. 

Love didn't come to him like that—no, love didn't come in the form of a stranger that leaves him aching for another day to spend with them. No, he fell in love with someone who was familiar. Someone who felt too close to home for him. 

Soobin, isn't it? 

_Choi Soobin?_

God, why does it always leave his heart aching whenever he hears that name? He hates it—the rush of overwhelming emotions within him when he finally realized what everything meant to them. He always looked at him with starry eyes because Soobin was his cool hyung that knew exactly what he wanted since they were younger. His Soobin hyung who loved films as much as he did. His Soobin hyung that would stay up so late until three in the morning, head placed on his shoulder even if he was taller than Beomgyu because _you're much more comfortable than a pillow, Gyu-yah._

His Soobin hyung that always had stars in his eyes. 

(Beomgyu loved the city lights the first time he came to Seoul—but he loves the stars in Soobin's dark eyes even more.) 

Everything about Soobin felt so much like home that Beomgyu didn't realize how much he liked him. Not until he felt that soft blanket placed on his shoulders as he drifted through his sleep, still a little half-awake as the subtitles on the screen became blurry. His head was placed on Soobin's lap and he could feel the way the older boy's fingers brushed through his dark strands. The light laugh that left Soobin's lips as he quietly murmured under his breath, "Go to sleep, Gyu. I'll be here when you wake up."

Perhaps it's the promise that Soobin wouldn't leave him. Or the quiet realization that no matter what happens, Soobin would always be his home that he'll come back to. But at that very moment, he knew that he felt a little differently. Drew in a breath, stole a glance at Soobin before a smile slowly graced upon his lips as he whispered, "Okay."

That soft okay that left his lips felt so much like a confession. Like a silent acceptance of what he felt for him. Like the realization of going _oh, have I been in love with him this whole time?_

(Maybe Beomgyu loved him for such a long time already. Maybe he loved him since the beginning of everything.)

And so, that's how he winds up in the experience of being in love with his first love—it's always been Soobin.

Even as Beomgyu left Daegu to debut as an actor in Seoul, it's still Soobin. Even as he drifted through late night cast parties or after parties that have too much alcohol in it and pretty people that are more than willing to take him out on a date, it's still his Soobin hyung that he ends up looking for. He always felt a little lost amongst the famous people, lips always knowing the curve of a polite smile. But the moment he catches sight of Soobin, something akin to aching familiarity lights up in him. 

It's been years and it feels like the same—Soobin still laughs with his eyes crinkling at the edges, reaching out to ruffle his hair. Everyone else is starstruck by Beomgyu but they always see the way he would melt into someone who's completely different from his image whenever he sees his best friend. Always so starry-eyed, like he's still the same fifteen years old boy that fell asleep on his lap on that late Saturday night. 

Everyone knows how much he likes Soobin. 

All _but_ Soobin, that is. 

(But Beomgyu thinks it's okay. He doesn't need Soobin to know about it. It's better if he doesn't know about it, anyway. 

He can't lose him because of the love that Beomgyu has for him. If he has to spend another four years of trying to burn the trail of his emotions just so he could be by Soobin's side, then he would do it again in a heartbeat.

It'll be okay.

Right?)

* * *

It's not like Beomgyu never had the opportunity to tell Soobin how much he liked him.

His feelings always linger in the spaces of his ribs and Beomgyu could feel them sinking around his throat, pressing down on it as he loses his breath. The thought of confessing instilled a fear in Beomgyu that he never wanted to indulge in. He doesn't want to lose Soobin—he heard too many stories of spontaneous confessions and how those decisions completely crushed the friendship.

At the back of his mind, he knows that it won't happen between him and Soobin. For years, he watched people walk up to Soobin and confess to him. And for years, he watched as Soobin very gently turned them down, smiled at them with the sweetest smile and made the rejection sound more like a fond memory.

Now that Beomgyu thought of it, it's nearly impossible not to love Soobin. At one point of everyone's lives, they must have all loved him just like how Beomgyu still does. But it's been years and Beomgyu feels like he's still fifteen, stealing glances at the sixteen year old as he memorizes the way his heart crashes against his chest, an echo of a heartbeat that knows Soobin's name all too well.

He tried his best to find a way to know those perfect words to confess to him—talked in front of the mirror. Talked to himself for hours, drawing up scenes in his own head like he's writing out a film for himself. Talked to the little necklace that Soobin got for him before and something that he wears so much that he can't seem to find it in himself to get rid of it, even when he's filming.

But somehow, it always ends with his voice faltering and his hands shaking so much. He loses every nerve he has the moment Soobin takes a glimpse of him with a wide smile on his lips and oh, when did it become like this?

It's so easy to tell someone else that he finds them pretty, so awfully breathtaking. He doesn't feel like his heart would collapse in his ribcage when he falls right into his own character in his films, completely breaking himself away from what he used to be. But somehow, even after all the years he spent to build up his confidence in front of an audience and a camera, none of it ever mattered because he'll still find himself getting weak at the knees as he raises his eyes to Soobin.

"You need to tell him how you feel," He remembers how Yeonjun once told him, very gently. It was late at night and they finished up a scene that they did together. The cold had sunk its teeth onto Beomgyu's skin, letting a shiver run down his spine as he leaned against the chair that he was sitting on.

He remembers that day so well—he remembers how Soobin stood a few feet away from them, hastily scrawling into his notebook like he always does. It's what he does whenever he accompanies Beomgyu to one of his scenes.

 _It feels different to be in a classroom, talking about all of this compared to actually being on set._ Soobin once told him, the first time that he went with him. His eyes were so much starrier at that time and Beomgyu loved the fact that he was the reason why Soobin's cheeks were aching and his smile was so wide for the weeks after that.

"I know," Beomgyu finally breathed out the words, albeit a little shaky. Swallowing the lump that resided in his throat, he pressed the rim of his paper cup filled with hot coffee against his lips, hoping that it'll soothe down the coldness seeping through his veins. "You think I haven't thought of doing that?"

"You should do it as soon as you can. Knowing you, things will only get progressively worse if you don't speak up."

Beomgyu spared Yeonjun a glance, brows knitting together the slightest. "What do you mean by that?"

He could see the way Yeonjun shrugged his shoulders dismissively, taking a sip of his own coffee. He let a sigh fall from his lips first before he spoke, his voice heavily tinted with worry and seriousness. "You like to keep quiet about your emotions, Gyu-yah. You'll do everything to avoid talking about what you really need to talk about. One day, you're going to burst and tell him at the most inconvenient time that you're in love with him." He paused, arching a brow at Beomgyu with a slight teasing smile on his lips.

"And I know that you'd rather have a huge dramatic confession scene but that won't work on everyone, you know."

Beomgyu only sunk his teeth on the rim, letting out a muffled sigh. He didn't have the urge to tell him that he's wrong because honestly speaking, Yeonjun was right. But his pride would never let him admit to any of that so with another huff, he looked away instead.

"I'm not _that_ in love with him."

A weak argument, sure. But at least, he had the last word—even if his words only earned a lighthearted laugh to fall from Yeonjun's lips.

After that, every confession that's supposed to come through were all collapsing because of two reasons. One, because of his awful timing and two, he constantly loses that burst of courage whenever Soobin stays so close to him. His emotions coil around his neck that it leaves him a little too out of breath, cheeks flushed as he tries to look for the words that he's been aching to say for years.

But he only ends up with his shoulders dropping as he spirals into nonsensical thoughts that convinces him that maybe, this is all a bad idea. That Yeonjun is wrong— maybe Beomgyu would be able to keep all of these emotions inside of him. That he wouldn't burst at the worst timing there is because by then, he would have lost every kind of love that he ever had for Soobin.

(He knows that he's lying, of course. He'll never forgive himself if he stops loving Soobin—it's like a part of him now.)

And so, he learns to keep quiet, to silence the loud echo of his heartbeat resonating through his body whenever Soobin reaches out to brush his thumb against his cheek with a smile drawn on his lips. Or silencing the a shaky breath would spill from his lips when he feels their fingers brushing against each other and the urge to hold his hand would linger for such a long time within him.

(It never fades away. There's always that urge to hold him. Hold him so close until their bodies melt into each other and all that Beomgyu could ever know is Soobin's lovely smile, his achingly sweet laughter, and _Soobin, Soobin, Soobin._

God, he's really in love. 

_So_ in love with him.

How is he supposed to deal with all of this?) 

* * *

There's a little routine that Beomgyu and Soobin had built for themselves. Early in the morning, Beomgyu would be awake already with the exhaustion tying itself around his bones. He would linger a little too long in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at the little flaws written across the lines of his features. He knows that the camera would not be able to see them but even then, he does all that he could to cover each and every one of them. 

He tries not to think about how Soobin would hold his cheeks in his hands every time he would speak about these little flaws, a quiet laugh falling from his lips. "You already look pretty, Beomgyu. You don't have to cover them up, you know." 

"The stylist would not agree with you, you know that." 

"Tell them that they need to look at you the way I look at you." 

Beomgyu would stare at him, the confusion written in his face. "What do you mean by that?" In that moment, he would see how Soobin would stand there, his expression faltering for a fraction of a second before a smile eventually tugged on the corners of his lips. He would gently pinch Beomgyu's cheek, pulling away with a sweet laugh leaving past his mouth. 

"I think you're the prettiest person I've ever seen." 

(He doesn't know how to quiet down the crash of his heart against his ribcage. It resonates so loudly that it leaves his bones rattling as the breath gets knocked out of his chest. He never quite knew how to handle the catastrophic mess raging within him whenever Soobin says these words. 

Is it wrong of him to be a little more hopeful of what's supposed to come?) 

The memory only lingers for a second before Beomgyu lets it turn into dust. Drawing in a deep breath to still the rage in his chest, he pulls away so he could finish getting ready for the day. 

it's in the afternoon that Beomgyu always starts shooting his scenes. And in that timeframe, Soobin would have been finished with his classes in the university. There's always that excitement tinted in his voice as he calls him up like he does for the past months already. 

So, it shouldn't have been a surprise for Beomgyu when Soobin calls him up again today. Like he always does. 

"Gyu-yah, can I go with you to today's filming?"

It's the first words that he hears when he picks up the call. He's still half-asleep, running his fingers through his dark strands as he sinks right into the car seat. He can feel the throb of a headache coming in, forcing a sharp sigh to escape past his lips. "What?" His voice comes out rough around the edges, glancing right outside to see the warmth of the afternoon sun reflecting on the street. It's such a pretty day and Beomgyu wishes that he has the energy to take a breath and appreciate everything.

But all he worries about these days is the filming scene for today. It's the scene that he had dreamt about for years already—his own confession scene. That dramatic confession scene that he chased after since he was young. But even if he had been working so hard for this, he can't help but feel like he's edging so close to nervousness and anxiety. 

No matter how many times he read up the lines of his script, he can't help but feel like everything in him is about to collapse—he can't mess it up, of course not. Everyone is looking forward to it and seeing how he had told over and over again in interviews that he's a huge romantic, it built up the expectations that he knew exactly how this kind of scene would play out.

But he can't do it. Not if Soobin will be there, staring at him with bright eyes and that proud smile written on his lips.

"You're going to join me there? Why?" 

"What?" Soobin tries to laugh it off but Beomgyu can hear the hurt tinted in his voice. "Do you not want me there, Beomie?"

_Yes._

"No, that's not what I meant."

"Then what is it? Am I going to be a distraction for you?" Still that same lighthearted tone, the laugh hidden beneath Soobin's words. Beomgyu sinks his teeth onto his lower lip to hold back a sigh, feeling himself shrink even more into his car seat. He can feel the way the van's engine is steadily rattling beneath his feet, falling in sync with the way his heart is racing in his chest.

_Yes._

"No, you know what—" Beomgyu heaves out a sigh, shaking his head. He's not going to let his emotions get the best of him today. Maybe it'll help if Soobin will be there—maybe he can see if his words would leave a lingering impact on the older boy.

It's dangerous to be a little more than hopeful now. But he can't help it. He really can't.

"You can come over. I'll meet you there, okay?"

"Okay, I'll see you then!"

As the call falls quiet, Beomgyu can feel a sigh drag itself past his lips. His phone lays against his palm, reminding him of the little conversation he had with Soobin today. The thought leaves him with an ache for what was about to come for the next hours.

Is this really the right decision? 

* * *

"Are you ready?"

Beomgyu can feel the way his heart rises to his throat as his fingers tremble, tightening their hold around the script on his hands. He can't stop shaking and god, he can't remember the last time that he felt this nervous before. He knows how the scene would run in his head—when he closes his eyes, he can imagine it so vividly, like it's a memory that's lost in his head.

He wishes that it's a memory instead. That he doesn't have to see the way his best friend's eyes would light up when he sees Beomgyu run across the ground, catching up to the girl that he supposedly loves.

"Yeah," The word comes out rough again, not realizing the tone he used. Clearing his throat, he notices that it's Yeonjun that's staring at him with worry, making him feel a little less tense than before. "I'm fine, hyung. Don't worry about me."

"I know this whole confession scene isn't exactly the one you hoped to have with Soobin but—" His voice lowers, just soft enough that no one would hear them as he leans the slightest. "At least you can finally have the confession scene that you've wanted for the past years, yes?"

"That's not so reassuring, you know." The bitterness laces itself around Beomgyu's voice but Yeonjun only laughs, gently patting his shoulder.

"And do you remember who told you that you should confess to him for the past months already?"

"I get your point, hyung." He replies dryly, clearly not liking the direction of the conversation. Yeonjun must have sensed the difference in his tone because now, he delved into a persona that Beomgyu has gotten to know over the years. The persona that Beomgyu could depend on, the one where he could see Yeonjun as his hyung that he could look up to because he never stopped looking out for Beomgyu.

"Listen, if it gets a little too difficult then you can pretend that you're confessing to him instead."

"That's a bad idea."

"I know but what do you have got to lose now?"

Beomgyu doesn't have the time to tell him what's on his mind because Yeonjun has already drifted away and the younger boy stands there, a little stunned and more nervous than ever. He's gripping the script so tightly that he left crescent marks on the white pages and he feels like he could rip them in half now.

He's so deep in his thoughts that he doesn't even notice the way Soobin had made his way over to him. Under the fading afternoon light, his blue hair looks more breathtaking than ever. Like the silver of a blue sky coloring itself across the streaks of orange and red in the afternoon skies. It's so hard not to be enamored by him at that moment because Soobin is smiling at him and Beomgyu is always weak at the knees whenever he sees him like that.

"I just wanted to wish you good luck." He reaches out and to Beomgyu's surprise, he feels the coldness of Soobin's fingers grazing against his knuckles before he eventually feels his fingers fill the spaces of Beomgyu's empty hand. He squeezes his hand gently, his smile brighter than ever. "You'll do amazing, I promise."

"You think so?"

Another sweet and airy laugh echoes before he nods his head. "I _know_ so."

"Beomgyu, you're up next!"

He feels the way Soobin flinches, pulling his hand away from his grasp a little too fast that it feels like he tore a piece of Beomgyu's heart. The younger boy tries not to ignore the twinge of disappointment within him as Soobin flashes him an apologetic smile, mouthing, _let's talk later_ before he breaks away to join the staff standing around to overlook how the scene will play out.

Beomgyu can feel the uneasiness again, forcing him to hurriedly burn every emotion that's still residing in his chest. _I can't think about him right now,_ it's all that he tries to think about as he gets pulled aside with the director coaching him and the co-actress on how the scene will play out. _I can't get distracted because of him. That's what I promised myself since the very beginning._

Maybe he's a little too into his head. Or maybe it's because the second he let his gaze rest on the people around him, he caught sight of Soobin so easily with him standing so tall with his cotton blue hair that looks so pretty against the afternoon sky. But either way, Beomgyu can't take his eyes off of him.

He lost count of how many the director had yelled at him, the exhausted glances that his co-actress had given to him. The first cut where he was supposed to be running after her, he only got distracted by the flicker of worry in Soobin's eyes when their gazes locked on each other. The second cut left him with the words vanishing from his lips that he didn't know what to say—god, why didn't he know what to say?

He always memorized every line like a prayer on his lips. But as he stood there, fingers wrapped around her wrist, wanting to tell her, _don't go please, I'm in love with you_ —none of those words have spilled past his mouth. They felt like a confession that he wasn't supposed to say.

Right now, he couldn't dive into his own character for the film playing out. 

Right now, he's Beomgyu. Choi Beomgyu, who's still a little too in love with his best friend since years ago, that he couldn't say the words _I'm in love with you_ to someone else. Choi Beomgyu, who spent so many years burying his feelings beneath his ribs because it's so much easier to ignore them than to speak of them out loud. Especially when the rejection is always there, lingering and waiting to break his heart.

Choi Beomgyu, who wants his first confession to be for Soobin. It didn't matter to him if Soobin would break his heart anymore—god, at this point, it would be an honor to have him break his heart slowly. Take away so little every single time until the entirety of Beomgyu's heart lays crumbling through his fingers.

It'd be better for that to happen than to confess to someone else right now.

But of course, not everyone can agree with him.

"Beomgyu, what is wrong with you?" He hears the anger seeping through the director's words as he closes the distance between them. The frustration is written clearly in his gestures as he stands tall before him, "I thought you said that you already memorized this scene? We asked you over and over again if you're ready to do this."

The younger boy falters, eyes searching the people again. It doesn't take long before he sees Soobin standing at the corner, the guilt written all over his features as a frown creases his lips. Even as he stares far off, the excuses still spilled from his lips, like a practiced script at the back of his mind.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this today. Not when I can't capture my own character's emotions for this," He takes in a deep breath, eyes hurriedly looking away from Soobin's guilt-ridden expression. "I'll try my best to do it better tomorrow."

"Fine, go home. Clear your head and figure this out." With a sigh of defeat, the director waves a hand dismissively at the rest of the staff. "We already did too many takes today, anyway."

Beomgyu stands there for a moment, watching as everyone around him quickly fixes up the setting. The afternoon light is fading so fast and Beomgyu can feel the panic rise in his chest when he finally lets himself steal a glance at Soobin. He can still see it—the flicker of worry and guilt in his dark eyes as he crosses the distance between them hesitatingly. Even with the commotion around them, Beomgyu feels like he could hear the way his footsteps echo against the pavement, feeling the way his heartbeat fall in sync with it. 

A steady _thump, thump, thump_ that Beomgyu has gotten so familiar with already.

"Hey," Soobin finally stands before him, hands in his pockets. Though there's a fraction of a second when he lifts the corners of his lips into a smile, it's gone all too quickly.

"You know when I joked that I would be too distracting for you today, I didn't know that it would happen for real." An awkward laugh trails after his words before another remorseful look crosses his face again. His voice comes out soft, a little too quiet. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, hyung."

Beomgyu only heaves out a sigh, shaking his head before reaching out to grasp Soobin's shirt. It's thin and Beomgyu can feel the way Soobin stiffens when he presses a hand against his side for a second before he pulls away. Beomgyu clears his throat, crossing his arms over his chest, looking away hastily.

When he speaks though, there's a silver of hopefulness embedded in it. "Can I stay over with you tonight, hyung? I don't want to go back to my own apartment."

As he lets himself gaze at the older boy, he sees that relieved smile playing on his mouth. He reaches out, fingers circling around his wrist before he tugs on it, pulling Beomgyu against his side with a wide smile.

"You know I can't say no to you."

(And Beomgyu is so thankful for that.)

* * *

There are days when filming is a little rough.

Days when Beomgyu feels a little burnt out that he can't help but snap. Anger wrapping around his words, a scoff following right after. The way he acts a little too cold because he's too disappointed with himself and he's so exhausted with dealing with his emotions.

It's days like that when Soobin would be a little more patient. A little more loving—him with his still bright eyes as he wraps his arms around Beomgyu, face buried against the crook of his neck. Fingers brushing against the curve of his cheeks before he leans in to press a lingering kiss on his forehead, voice as sweet as a soft lullaby resonating within the apartment. 

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You did your best today."

And it's on those days that words like that will work on someone like Beomgyu. Though he's still mad and disappointed, Soobin has always been the one who made him feel like everything will be okay at the end. That he'll get through this and come out better than he did before.

But tonight is not like those days.

Even the rain harshly pattering against the windowpane should have been Beomgyu's sign that nothing is going to go well tonight. He spent thirty minutes riding the van with Soobin to head over to his apartment in a silence that's too heavy for them. The tension was so stiff and awkward that even Soobin felt uncomfortable basking in it, constantly shifting in his seat and glancing at him every now and then.

(Beomgyu didn't turn to look at him even once. He couldn't bear to do it.)

A part of him knows that he shouldn't be acting like this. It's his fault that he let himself be pulled by the strings of his tangled emotions that he couldn't help it at today's filming. He's been a little too in love with Soobin for the past years that saying the words _I'm in love with you_ to anyone else but him feels like a sin. Like he's doing something wrong.

Because Soobin deserves to hear that first confession from him. Not in a way where Beomgyu would confess in front of the cameras, staring at the girl that never once tugged on his heartstrings in the same way that Soobin did for him. No, he deserves to hear it when his emotions are bursting because of the love that he has for him.

Right now, he knows that he still loves him.

But the disappointment is still heavily laying on his bones. A bitter tone that lingers at the back of his throat.

"Still not feeling better?"

Beomgyu stares down at the cup of tea in his hands. Jasmine tea—the same tea that Soonin likes making for him every time he feels so down. There's a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and there's a film playing out on the screen—it's _Your Name._ Beomgyu has seen this for so many times already and he knows that Soobin has seen it as much as he did. He doesn't know why Soobin would willingly watch it with him, even if he knew the ending scene already.

The thought only forces a sigh to escape past his lips. A little too soft but somehow, Soobin heard it loud and clear.

"I'm sorry," He reaches out and Beomgyu can feel the blanket shifting until Soobin can hold his hand, fingers slipping right through the empty spaces again. He brushes his thumb across Beomgyu's knuckles as he stares at him with a frown still on his lips. "I didn't mean to ruin your filming today."

"Hyung, I told you it wasn't your fault." 

"But you're still upset." His teeth sinks on his lower lip, choosing to glance at their intertwined hands hidden beneath the blanket. "I distracted you during your filming today." 

"That's my own fault. I have no one else but myself to blame." There's a laugh that trails after Beomgyu's words but it sounds too empty, a little too hollow. Drawing in a sharp breath, he gently moves his hand away from Soobin's grasp, dismissing the hurt that tugged on his heartstrings. Right now, he still feels that like his heart would burst right through his chest even if he's upset.

Soobin awkwardly pulls his hand, stealing a glimpse of the film playing out on the television screen. Maybe it's because he had memorized every scene, every line that maybe he wanted to break the routine. Even just for a little bit.

"How about I help you with your lines?" Soobin doesn't even wait for a reply as he stands from the couch, hastily reaching out to the nearby drawer. He tugs on it, pulling out the script that Beomgyu had left a few days ago before he finds his way back to his side. As he hurriedly runs through the pages with his fingers, he speaks in such an excited tone, "Maybe it'll help you if we rehearse the confession scene."

"Hyung, I don't—"

"Please? I know this is bothering you and I want to help you as much as I can."

The older boy reaches out to intertwine their fingers again beneath the blanket. Beomgyu can see it—the flicker of stars in his eyes before he finally catches sight of what this is all about. He sees the guilt still hidden in the specks of his gaze, wanting to make up for the little mistake that happened this afternoon.

With a soft sigh, Beomgyu nods his head as he grazes his thumb against Soobin's knuckles. "Okay," He pauses, growing a little more somber this time around as he lets a smile paint itself on his face. "Okay, I'm fine with that."

(He never really knew how to say no to someone like Soobin.)

The smile that graces Soobin's lips is achingly bright and Beomgyu has to bury the urge to ignore the emotions prickling beneath his skin. Without saying anything else, he stretches his fingers out and lets them graze along the pages until it eventually lands on the page of the confession scene. Though the script is turned upside down at his point of view, he can still say the lines like a memorized prayer on his lips.

It's what he does best, after all.

"You can start here."

"Okay," He can see how Soobin lets out a breath, steadying himself. It's always so amusing for him to see Soobin slowly grasp the strings of his own character whenever he rehearses with Beomgyu. It's a thrill to pretend for a moment that this isn't a scene that they're doing—that it's real life. Especially in a little confession scene like this.

"I can't do this anymore." Beomgyu can hear the pain, the sorrow laced around Soobin's words as he speaks lowly. "I feel like this is going nowhere."

"This isn't going nowhere—" Beomgyu says a little breathlessly, feeling the ache return in his chest. He ignores it. Or at least he tries his best to ignore it. "I can fix this. We can fix this—we promised that we would do this together." As he reaches out to hold Soobin's hands, he forgets. He forgets what's happening around him; for a moment, he only thinks about how warm Soobin's hand feels against his.

"You know we can't be together. We're only delaying the inevitable." When Soobin lifts his gaze from the lines, Beomgyu sees the sadness and longing in his eyes that for a fraction of a second, he becomes breathless. He completely forgets that this is a scene from a film. That this isn't real life.

So when Soobin pulls away, Beomgyu can feel it; the crash of the waves of emotions colliding in his chest. His bones rattling and his breath coming out shaky as he watches Soobin harshly turn away from him. Like he doesn't want to see him right now.

In any other time, Beomgyu would have said that he was doing so well. But right now, his own feelings are overwhelming him as they hastily tug him underneath the waves, drowning him. He can't breathe and it's so difficult to get a tight grip of his coherent thoughts.

Nothing is making sense right now.

"Don't go, please," Beomgyu chokes on his words, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. He reaches out as he wraps his arms around the taller male's waist from behind like he always does. He knows that this isn't part of the script but he doesn't care anymore.

He really can't find it in himself to care anymore.

"Hyung, I'm in love with you."

Beomgyu had always loved films since he was younger. 

But what he loved the most were the most romantic confession scenes. The kind of scenes that leaves you breathless and smiling so widely because god, you're so happy. You can't think of anything but how beautiful the one you're in love with. 

As he draws in a breath, he realizes that he may never get that for himself.

Because right now, there's nothing awfully romantic about this. 

There's nothing romantic about the storm raging outside. Or feeling so absolutely breathless as his heart ripped out of his chest, feeling it crumble into the smallest of pieces to the ground. He can still hear the steady beating, an echo of everything that he used to be. 

It's like time stood still after those words echoed in the apartment. The film is still playing and Beomgyu can hear the muffled soundtrack from the speakers. The rain is pouring hard outside the window, an angry rage of melodies and cacophonies crashing against each other. But even then, Beomgyu didn't hear any of those—he can only hear how his own heartbeats echo in his ears. It's going so fast, like each beat is chasing one after the other.

Each of them echoing Soobin's name all at once.

"What did you say?"

He can feel the older boy shifting, his fingers circling around Beomgyu's arms so he can break free from his hold. As he whirls around, facing the dark haired boy, Beomgyu can feel the fear and panic rising to his chest and settling at the base of his throat. He can't breathe, not when Soobin is staring at him with knitted eyebrows and the confusion written all over his features.

"What did you say, Beomgyu?"

He repeats the question, his words coming out softer. Like he's afraid that he might scare him off if he speaks harshly. But even then, Beomgyu is still afraid—he's so afraid that Soobin has finally caught on and he's going to reject him.

That they'll change into different people after this.

"It's a slip of tongue." Beomgyu only responds but his voice is weak. He can't even meet Soobin's dark eyes because god knows that maybe the older boy is looking at him in disgust because of what he said out loud.

"We both know that it's not a slip of tongue." If Soobin is still frustrated, he hides it so well that even Beomgyu is almost fooled by the mask. He would have believed him if he didn't see the strange longingness and frustration in his gaze, staring at Beomgyu like he's waiting for him to say the words.

He stays quiet for a moment—a stretch of silence that vibrates through the walls and seep through the floor. The rain is not an angry rage of cacophonies now; it gently taps against the window like a soothing lullaby. Beomgyu wants to pretend that what's happening right now is nothing but a dream. Or maybe a scene that's going wrong that he wants to hear the word _cut!_ resonate through the place.

But this is real life, isn't it? All the words that will leave Beomgyu's lips were not practiced beforehand. A script that he had memorized, like the lines running across the palms. They're unfamiliar on the tip of his tongue but he needs to say them.

There's no turning back, is there?

"Hyung, I'm in love with you," He breathes out, gazing at the ground before his eyes flutter shut. It's easier this way—at least he wouldn't see the pitying glance that Soobin will give to him.

"I've been in love with you since I was fifteen. I know it's pathetic—it's been four years and I never got over it. I liked you for such a long time and I just—" He breaks off, feeling the lump in his throat. It hurts to breathe again, like the world is laying heavily against his chest. Every breath he draws in leaves him grasping for more and more because he can't seem to get enough. Like he's constantly running out of oxygen and it hurts _too_ much. 

"I didn't say anything because I didn't want us to change. I didn't want to lose you."

There's such a long stretch of silence between them—the only sounds that Beomgyu could hear is the gentle pattering of the rain droplets against the window. The soft soundtrack playing in the background as Soobin finally lets out the breath that he's been holding this whole time. Even then, Beomgyu can't find the courage to lift his head and gaze at him, too afraid that Soobin will look at him differently.

"Beomgyu, look at me."

"No," The answer is fast, the word leaving a gash against the inside of his cheek because the edges are too sharp. Beomgyu swallows thickly, shaking his head, "No, hyung. I—"

"Beomgyu."

It's how Soobin said his name—like the favorite line from a song that he loved since the beginning. A quiet memorization of the syllables that he didn't know would mean the world to him. Beomgyu doesn't know why but hearing it made his heart ache in more ways than one.

He feels the way Soobin's fingers brush against his cheeks, tilting his head up. Beomgyu pauses, finally letting his eyes flutter open as he gazes at Soobin. His vision is a little blurry, forcing him to rapidly blink his eyes to clear it.

"Why are you crying, Gyu-yah?" There's that affectionate and fond tone that Beomgyu loves so much. "Don't cry, please. You don't have to feel sorry for keeping everything you felt as a secret." Soobin lets his thumb graze along the curves of his cheeks, pulling him close against his body as he leaves a fleeting kiss on top of his head. "You're not going to lose me, you know."

Beomgyu feels his heart reside in his throat. He can feel the hurt seeping through his veins as he shakes his head, letting out a pained laugh. "Oh god, is this the part where you're going to reject me—?"

"I'm not," Soobin hastily cuts through his words, the heat rushing from the column of his neck to the curves of his cheeks. He looks so flustered this time as he lets out a soft laugh. "I'm not going to reject you."

"Wait," Beomgyu breaks away, placing his hands on Soobin's chest. He grasps the front of his shirt with his fingers, feeling the very faint beating of his heart through his chest. It's the same calm and soothing beat that his heart has learned to love over the years.

"Does this mean that you...?"

"I like you, silly." Soobin is smiling so widely at him and Beomgyu feels like he's dazed and confused now, "I liked you for such a long time already."

"What? You like me?" All he receives from Soobin is a nod of his head and a flicker of a smile before Beomgyu speaks again, a little more breathless this time, "Since when— years ago?" The dark haired boy is so dazed and flustered, eyes wide. This time, the laugh that leaves Soobin's lips is so light and sweet and god, Beomgyu feels like he could listen to it for as long as time will allow.

"Yes, since years ago. I think I only realized how much I liked you when you stayed with me so late at cram school and we barely caught the last train home," Soobin can't fight the smile that draws itself across his lips, wrapping his arms loosely around Beomgyu's waist this time.

"We sat beside each other on the train and it was nearly empty that night. I looked at you and you looked a little out of breath because we ran so fast. But you were smiling so wide when you looked at me and I just... knew."

"Knew what?"

Soobin leans in, closing the distance between them. Beomgyu feels that pull on his heartstrings as Soobin tilts his head, softly pressing his lips against his. Only a brush of their lips and yet, Beomgyu feels like this is the kiss that took his breath away.

He kissed so many people before but none of them could ever compare to the way Soobin kisses him—soft and gentle. Like how he is. Like how Beomgyu loves him.

As Soobin murmurs the words against his lips, he feels himself melt a little more. With fingers holding onto his thin shirt, hearing the familiar soundtrack of the film reaching its ending scene and the soft lullaby of the rain against the window—this is the perfect confession scene.

Maybe it's the one scene that he will love the most for the rest of his days.

"I knew right then and there that I'm going to love you until the very end."

* * *

(Beomgyu figures that ending scenes never quite end with a confession scene.

There's always the epilogue: the rush of feelings afterwards—the fleeting excitement from the tips of anyone's fingertips. The rise and fall of emotions before everything crashes and burns. 

But as he wraps his arms around Soobin, head placed on his shoulder and watching the flicker of scenes of another film that they loved, he figures that this is how his days are going to end—falling asleep next to each other. Hearing the calming beat of their hearts resonate in their bodies as their fingers intertwined together under the soft glow of the living room's light. 

This is the kind of ending that he knows that he's going to love for the rest of his life.

Being with Soobin at the end of everything would be worth it after all.)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! feel free to leave me your thoughts through the comments or in my [cc.](http://curiouscat.me/rengyus)


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